#this is not relevant I just wanted to say it

[willowsnook]

When Love is Left Unspoken

max verstappen x reader

she isn't you i'd be insane not to love you

request from @formulaal

Pt. 2 here

"Alright, one more question from the chat," you said into your mic, scanning for a good one. One caught your eye, and you began reading it aloud before realizing it would reveal something from your past. “Would you choose a guy over your best friend?”

Laughing humorlessly, you looked into the camera with a tight smile. “Anyone who’s been here for a while knows how relevant that question is to my life. But my answer hasn’t changed: if you’re choosing a romantic partner over your best friend, you can get fucked. Thanks for tuning in, everyone. See you around.”

Logging off, you grabbed your water bottle and headed to the kitchen to refill it. Checking your phone, you smiled at the stats from the stream—10k of your fans tuning in tonight was a big turnout. You’d gone viral on BookTok back in 2020, and now, your book podcast had a solid following. Normally, BookTok didn’t bring huge numbers, but thanks to your former best friend, your popularity had skyrocketed. As grateful as you were, his part in your success irritated you now.

Then a notification popped up on your screen, and you rolled your eyes.

MV: Nice stream.

You: Fuck off

MV: Glad I’m still living rent-free in your head.

You: Glad you got permission to text me.

You threw your phone down on the counter, boiling inside. Nobody got under your skin like he could, especially after 20 years of knowing exactly how to do it. Growing up, it hadn’t always been this way. At 10, you’d moved with your family to the Netherlands, right next door to the Verstappens. Max quickly became your best friend, your weekends spent watching him kart. Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine things would end like this.

You met Kelly in 2018 at a race Max invited you to. Right away, you got weird vibes. She looked at Max like a toy she had to have. It was creepy, especially given the nine-year age gap. By 2019, they were dating, and she made it clear she didn’t like you, refusing to acknowledge your existence. That led to rocky times between you and Max; he always had excuses to avoid seeing you. When you were together, he seemed tense, as if being watched.

Everything fell apart in Australia 2021.

Flashback

Max invited you to the first race of the 2021 season, though you almost didn’t go. It felt obligatory, as if he invited you just because you’d never missed an opening race. You hadn’t seen him all winter, just exchanging quick holiday texts. Walking into the paddock, you felt a strange sense of finality, like this might be the last one.

Spotting Carmen outside Mercedes, you walked over and hugged her. As you stepped back, she looked worried.

“What’s up?”

She hesitated. “I thought you should know, Kelly’s been saying some nasty things about you around the paddock. No one believes her, but… I wanted you to know.”

“What is she saying?” you asked, heart sinking.

“She’s calling you pathetic, saying you’re still pining over your childhood crush and using Max to become an influencer,” she said softly, looking at you with sympathy.

“You’re joking,” you said, anger simmering. She shook her head.

“Can I be real with you?” She asked, and you nodded. “I love you and George loves you and honestly, everyone does. But I will accept not seeing you here anymore if you finally realize that Max is not being a good friend to you. And he hasn’t been for a long time.”

Eyes filling with tears, you let her words sink in. She was right, but admitting it was brutal. Maybe staying around him was just self-inflicted pain.

You found Max later, pulling him aside.

“I only have a few minutes, so make it quick,” he said, barely looking at you. Seeing him like this, you realized that the man in front of you wasn’t your best friend anymore.

“Your girlfriend’s telling people I’m a pathetic loser here to use you for fame,” you said, voice flat.

“I don’t believe that,” he mumbled, avoiding your eyes.

“Really?” you laughed bitterly. “You don’t believe that from your girlfriend—the one who’s disliked me since day one?”

“Seems like you have something to say, Y/N. Just say it,” he replied, finally looking at you.

“There was a time in my life where I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live without you. But now I’m living it. Have the past ten years been nothing to you? All it took was an older woman to bat her eyelashes at you and that was it?”

He opened his mouth, but you cut him off.

“I’m not going to stand here and tell you that we had a good run and that I wish you the best. Fuck you. Fuck you for choosing her over me and fuck you for even letting it have to be a choice. I hate you.”

End of Flashback

That was the last time you had spoken to him. There were no texts or calls after that; his life just went on like normal while you felt like you were dying inside. You had thrown yourself into your work after that and now had over a million followers and subscribers to your podcast. You’d stayed friends with Carmen but hadn’t returned to a race since that day. You had tried to block the memory of that day from your mind, but when you were low, one thing always resurfaced in your mind. Kelly was right about you pining after your childhood crush. You had been in love with Max back then. How could you not be?

Then Carmen invited you to the Austin GP, and after much persuasion, you finally agreed. Thanks to your online following, you flew down with her, officially a Mercedes guest. Wearing Mercedes colors felt like poetic justice.

When you entered the paddock, a wave of nostalgia and sadness hit you. But it disappeared as you saw familiar faces you’d missed over the years.

"Y/N!" Alex called, arms open. Hugging him, you sighed, realizing how much you’d missed everyone. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” you admitted before greeting Lily, who gushed over your podcast and joked about being a guest. As you laughed with her, you noticed Alex subtly trying to block your view. Looking over, you saw Max walking by. He did a double take, but you turned back to Lily, ignoring his stare.

Later, as you waited for a coffee, you overheard Checo’s wife and Fernando’s girlfriend chatting.

“I heard Max and Kelly broke up,” Melissa said.

“Oh yeah, it’s been a few months,” Carola replied, shrugging. “Apparently, he was in love with someone else the whole time.”

You smirked. So Kelly finally experienced what it felt like to be second choice.

The race came and went, and you successfully avoided Max the entire weekend. You didn’t even think about the possibility of running into him when you accepted Carmen’s invitation to go out that night. George had actually wanted to go out, so you found yourself at a little country bar that night with what seemed to be the whole grid. You felt Max’s gaze the second you walked in, and you were doing a hell of a job ignoring him. Charles was trying to talk to him, looking confused between the two of you, but you didn’t care.

Ordering another gin and tonic you felt him come up next to you and you refused to look over.

“Put hers on mine,” Max said, handing over his card. You tried to leave, but he held out an arm to stop you.

“No ‘thank you’?” he teased, eyes intense.

You glared. “You can have it, then.”

“Stop being difficult,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You look good.”

“Can’t say the same about you,” you shot back, and his expression darkened.

He sighed. “Can we talk?”

“I said everything I needed to say three years ago. Have a good night.”

This time he let you go and you made your way back to Carmen who was looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

“You okay?” She asked, and you nodded.

A little while later, you were sitting at a table talking with Charles with Max hovering close by.

“Max, come sit down,” Charles slurred, and at this point, you were too tipsy to put up a fight about it. “Max is my best friend, ya know?”

“Ah yeah?” You asked head tilting. “Those words don’t mean much coming from him.”

Charles giggled, too drunk to understand what you meant and Max clenched his jaw looking at you.

“Insult me all you want schatje, as long as you’re talking to me I’ll take it,” he said and you didn’t say anything, just stared at him trying to figure out his angle.

“Is this the girl Kelly broke up with you over?” Charles asked and Max whipped his head towards him. “You always had a thing for her, so I told Alex that was my guess.”

Max’s face fell, and you froze. Shock turned into anger as you got up and stormed out. You felt Max following and soon he was in front of you, blocking your path.

“Come on,” he urged, leading you to a nearby park.

“Max, I don’t want to talk,” you said firmly, pulling away.

“I don’t care,” he replied, frustrated. “Tell me what I need to do to fix this.”

You laughed bitterly. “Crawling back because you got dumped? It’s too late.”

“It’s not like that.”

“You made your choice three years ago. Now live with it.”

“You want to know why we broke up?”

“I don’t really give a fuck,” you replied before turning to walk away.

“She isn’t you!” He yelled. Your legs stopped moving as your mind reeled.

Whirling on him you got into his face, “You don’t get to fucking say that to me. Not after all this time. Not after what you put me through. Not after you chose her over me. I was there the whole time Max. Me! I was there! It’s not my fault you didn’t realize that till I was gone.” 

“I realized it long before then,” he said softly, and you took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. Tears were starting to fall, and you looked everywhere but him. 

“Then why?” You whispered, voice cracking. 

“Because I wasn’t good enough for you,” he said laughing sadly to himself. “The pressure was starting to cave in back then and I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t want to burden you.”

“You were my best friend Max,” you said exasperated. “I would have done anything for you.” 

“It’s easy to see that now,” he said. “But then you were so full of life and starting your little videos that I didn’t want to disappoint you. She understood what I was going through, but I never stopped loving you.” 

“Then why did you still push me away?” 

“I had to do that so that I could try and move on. She knew and she hated that there wasn’t anything she could do to change how I felt about you. I knew what she was saying about you in the paddock, and I knew why she was saying it.” 

His words hit you like a ton of bricks, and it felt like heartbreak all over again. “You knew and you let it happen. You are the worst person I’ve ever known Max Verstappen.”

He was crying now too and the two of you stood staring at one another not saying anything. 

“I would be insane not to love you,” he said softly and it made you cry harder. “So I will do whatever it takes for however long to make up for what I did.” 

He let you go again and you left him there, crying silently as you walked back to the hotel. So many emotions going through your mind paired with confusing feelings. 

Happiness for your 15-year-old self that has wanted to hear those words for so long. 

Sadness for your 21-year-old self reliving those memories. 

And anger at your 24-year-old self for considering letting him make it up to you. 

[youwerethedefeated]

Ok brief run down of kagehina sightings in the light novels for @infinitemilk

Right off the bat in volume 1 chapter 1, we have Hinata daydreaming about having a picnic with kageyama underneath a beautiful sakura tree in full bloom. Yep with the pink flowers falling around romantically, they're sharing food and laughing together etc.

The "he chose the Olympics over me" also comes from there, though I'd say that's the least gay thing to happen in that chapter. (It's volume 12, chapter 1 if I'm not mistaken.) Prior to that, Hinata also complains that "Kageyama never tells me anything" and that if they're partners, shouldn't be included in that kind of decision making? (Yeah just like that)

This is the same chapter where yachi goes on on her (paraphrasing) "they're not friends not lovers but a secret, worse third thing" rant: "more like a fork and knife, or the minute hand and the hour hand of a clock. Even when there's no conversation between them, they still continue to move with the same purpose"

This same chapter, hinata continues bitching about kageyama joining a pro team/the JNT and ditching him the whole time lmao

There are a few chapters during the summer training camp that show Hinata pestering everyone to compete with him because Kageyama wasn't talking to him - at some point lev asks "why don't you compete with your partner" and hinata is like "Oh we're taking a break" (yeah just like THAT)

When they do start training together again they're both so happy about it.....

There's a chapter (that I never found translated in full) that's that one scene where Hinata messages kageyama on new years day, and kageyama gets "fluttering feelings at the bottom of his stomach." My dude be out here getting literal butterflies in his belly JUST FROM A TEXT and then he proceeds to get mad at hinata for making him feel this way 😭

Later on when they meet anyway, Hinata says he wanted to go to the shrine with kageyama and that even if they go now, it won't be the same bc then it's not "his first time" anymore.....

And the star of the show. The Grand King in Rio.

This one takes the crown for not only being the gayest, but also perhaps the most plot relevant. It's just about that time Hinata and Oikawa met in Rio.

Inevitably, they talk a bit about Kageyama, and oikawa starts downright TEASING hinata over him like... asking if they'll meet for the Olympics and stuff.

And then hinata starts spiraling because a) he's not at a point where he can meet kageyama as an equal, b) he can't remember Kageyama's face, c) he tries so hard to remember "that terrifying face" that he gives himself a tummy ache ksjhdkaldm

In the end hinata arrives at the conclusion that he and Kageyama don't need to meet now, since he isn't ready, and he recalls the promise he made to Kageyama, and how it's such a coincidence that he met Oikawa all the across the globe, and it was also a coincidence that he met Kageyama in the first place, but if life is made of coincidences then it's inevitable that they'll meet again someday... the rest is super poetic, really

ANYWAY this is it from the top of my head. I think @kagehiner might have more anecdotes since he was the one who got me into the LNs in the first place lol

[writingquestionsanswered]

I'm writing a novel that criticizes the unethical way AI has been used and how newer technology is replacing older methods when they should still be available.

What I'm struggling with is to plan the story while having the tone in mind, because my main characters are goofballs, they're all supposed to bring funny moments and comic relief, but even with the comedic parts I don't want to make the social critic a satire. How do I plan a story with humorous characters doing serious stuff and keep a balance of humurous moments and serious subjects?

Balancing Humor with Serious Themes

Here are some things to keep in mind...

1 - Let the majority of the humor derive from the characters themselves. Since you say the characters are goofballs and bring comic relief, it sounds like you're already doing that. Keeping the characters as the primary source of humor helps to create a buffer between them and the actual (serious) situation.

2 - Time the comedic moments appropriately. When it comes to balancing humor with serious themes, timing is everything. The best time to use comedy in a serious story is when the tension needs to be momentarily relieved. This creates a nice contrast which makes the seriousness of the moment feel that much more serious and deepens the emotional resonance.

3 - When possible, keep the comedy relevant. Let's say you have a dramatic moment where the characters are hunkered down, waiting for something bad to happen (that they know is going to happen), and it's super tense, so one of the characters says something funny. It isn't going to make a lot of sense if they just randomly say, "Have you ever noticed you can never remember the three items you went into the grocery store to buy, but you can recite lines from a movie you saw once nine years ago?" That is a funny observation, but what does it have to do with that particular moment? How is it relevant to what's going on?

A more relevant funny observation would be, "Why is it when I'm waiting my turn to present a book report, the seconds fly by, but when you're waiting for the arrival of a blood-thirsty shapeshifter, suddenly every second takes five minutes?"

Alternatively, if the group happens to be waiting for said blood-thirsty shapeshifter while hunkered down inside a grocery store, that gives the shopping observation relevance.

4 - Work in character development by letting comedic quips reveal quirks, flaws, vulnerabilities, strengths, relationships, personal stakes, and personal journey.

5 - Avoid jarring transitions by using environmental or narrative cues to signal shifts in mood. For example, after the comedic quip is made, maybe the lights flicker and go out, or a huge shadow falls across the floor, signaling the arrival of the bad thing they're waiting for. This helps to transition between the comedic moment (and any comedic reaction) back to the seriousness of the moment at hand.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[basilthesnakingthing]

I actually haven’t seen Dragons Rising. The first episode ended with the person they were setting up to be the “Big Bad Secret” villain of the series, the empress lady, turning to to camera and monologuing her plans to us while evil laughing in a “I will be unstoppable because nobody knows I have this plot relevant thing!” sort of way. And I took one look at that. And my heart sank into my stomach. And I went “Yeah I’m not doing this. We done this before, you know how to build suspense that an adult audience can take seriously. You did it in possession. Your original fanbase is grown up and you know it and we are willing to be loyal as long as you don’t give up slop. Why are we regressing like this?” And I knew I would save myself a lot of angry ranting about how easy it would be to make this thing better or make this other thing make sense or how that thing should’ve had an emotional impact but didn’t because this if I just. Didn’t watch the new series. (As much as I love the idea of the merge I just didn’t think I would enjoy it if they were gonna patronize me with the delivery.) The empress could have been proud and stoic and quiet. She could have had minimal reactions that everyone around her reacted to strongly and perhaps with action that we didn’t understand because context that would be revealed later. The curiosity that comes from that is primal. The kids in the new audience (because again, they would have to be new fans to be kids, this show has been running for over a decade) would be captivated by that even though they wouldn’t know why. All that is to say is that either I need to go and cave and watch DR for the sake of my rewrite, or I need someone who’s seen it to check my work and see if it adapts well to the new seasons (I’m willing to bet that it will, but you know.) But you sound like you’ve seen it, do you want to help me with that?

[stinkyallegations]

cw TKaTB spoilers, theory, mention of guillotine, amnesia memories spoilers

TKATB and its characters belong to @fantasia-kitt !!

TKATB IS RATED +18. MINORS DONT INTERACT

Was about to post a theory about how sol could have been reincarnated to meet pumpkin again in a different timeline bc they werent allowed to be together in their own timeline, the bruise on his neck being an indication of being guillotined AND him giving purple tullips (sign of royalty and elegance) to pumpkin on valentine's, feeling insecure about his lunch (saying it isnt "extravagant" enough for pumpkin) and somehow using pardon me instead of excuse me (he doesnt usually use this type of elegant language i think. could be just me) kinda seems like we were royalty before? I mean, crowe mentioning marie antoinette and the game giving us many options for the question seems sussy to me. Why does MY opinion on the queen matter this much to both crowe and sol since their love meters go crazy with the answers? speaking of historical figures, i cant be the only one thinking sol WAS the "executioner". maybe that could be it. he was "the executioner" and we were a part of the royalty: swimming in money, expensive alcohol and the sweat of the peasants; and sol being one of them. Maybe we didnt even know who he was but him being a delusional yandere, he thought we were inseperable lovers. maybe that was why he was drawing someone in peasant clothes. He was just drawing his past life, could be the day he first saw us or the day he lost us. anything to support my theory? what inspired the game, ofc :D i was stalking fantasia's socials when i saw the game was was inspired by 3 gamea, one being Amnesia Memories (IM A HUGE FAN OF THAT SHIT). if you didnt know, amnesia memories is about a girl waking up with lost memories, trying to remember things. but bc it is an otome, she has a partner in every world she wakes up in. so if she fails to recollect her memories, she ends up in a different universe with a different partner. the relevance between tkatb and amnesia? in amnesia the final LI can also switch between different universes. he loses the mc in a fire and cant live without her. So a god helps him go to a different universe to be with her again. But everytime he goes to a universe, the world either kills the mc or him somehow. Following with pumpkin being royalty and sol not being able to live with us, what if after our death; he went to a different universe where we are classmates (equal parties!!) and now the entire purpose of his existence being, well, being with us forever?

But yknow. I decided not to post it since pretty much everyone already thinks this way! its probably what fantasia WANTS us to think to bamboozle us in the end, right? :3

P.S. not to mention his hatred for the rich. the rich and their stupid rules were the things that stopped him from being with us! but what if hyugo ALSO has switched universes along with him for his own reasons? Could this be the deal between the two, and the reason why hyugo wont allow sol to just die like that?

[applestorms]

quickly putting this thought out there while i work on a longer astronaut ramble cuz i'm impatient and this feels relevant to recent conversations. SO: on the topic of light's humanity...

i think there are two key functions that light (emotionally? instinctively? intellectually?) feels that his sense of self MUST fulfill in order for him to be fully satisfied/comfortable with himself as a person. these are:

light must see himself as human, as that is a key part of what makes him Perfect (and also, Pure?)

light must see himself as something above/outside of/detached from human, as that is what allows him to be absolved of murder (if he's a god/the hand of the state/Justice incarnate, he does not have to be judged according to the same ethical rules as humans)

it is this contradiction that light Must uphold throughout the entire series following his initial two killings with the death note. he cannot allow either side to fully drop away without losing the Light that he sees as intrinsically Core to who he is and who he wants to be.

it could maybe be argued that light slowly starts to do away with point (1) as the series progresses, particularly as he loses himself in the roles of L and KIRA, but i would argue that this is not the case. even in the final confrontation with near, light still talks about himself as a person-- in part, because he believes that he needs that Humility in order to garner the respect and praise of other people. he isn't a monster like higuchi, and he isn't quite a totally normal, average person anymore either, but some level of humanity must be a part of who he is or his origins in order to make his godhood/martyr status that much more grand and righteous.

anyway, another possibly contentious point that i Do feel pretty strongly about here is the fact that light connects his supposed purity/perfection to his human side specifically. observe:

this purity point in his little explanation of who he thinks KIRA is always stands out to me because it's the one point that L disagrees with (though i always forget he just says this internally and not out loud =3=")

point is-- at least at this point in the story, light sees his Youth and Innocence as a part of what makes him Pure and Righteous. he is not so young as to be totally naive about the horrors of the world, but he is not old enough to be completely jaded and pessimistic about it either. he is neither stupid, nor petty about his killings. every action is a conscious choice, well thought out in advance in order to pursue the distinct and singular goal of worldwide salvation.

i can't help but see the parallels in the fact that this is likely how other people viewed light growing up before he got the death note-- intelligent beyond his years, in a way that surpasses even most of the adults around him, but still with the Purity of his youth, perhaps unburdened in a way, optimism not yet eroded. he's still trying to live up to the praise other people pile on him and be recognized by their standards. he has an overwhelming ego, yes-- but in a japanese social context, where humility and honoring your elders is key, where a more collectivist mindset means that an individual must be held up through the acceptance and recognition of others and not their own self-praise, he has more of a nuanced social game to play.

[blanket-fish]

Ok so AO3 has just announced changes to their terms of service. Mostly it's just rewording ambiguous phrasing and clarifying some points. But they are also changing the archive warning 'Underage' to 'Underage Sex' (because some people were using it for like, teenagers kissing or for underage drinking, which isn't a massive problem but it's not what the tag is for)

It's a minor change and should be a non issue, but I've seen people saying that AO3 isn't requiring you to tag underage sex anymore, which is categorically untrue. I do however know why they think this, and its a combination of not fully reading the updates and a misunderstanding of how the archive tag system works in the first place.

You can find the full wording on AO3 itself but the relevant part is as follows: "If you have a work that carries the "Underage" warning and you don't want it to display the "Underage Sex" label, you can replace it with the "Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings" label at any time."

Any fic that currently has the 'Underage' archive warning will be updated to have the 'Underage Sex' warning instead. If for some reason you don't want that, what the above statement is saying is that you can use 'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings' instead.

Makes sense. However, if you don't understand the archive warning system, you might interpret that as not being required to tag underage sex.

The way it works is that there are five archive warnings: 'Underage', 'Rape/Non-con', 'Graphic Depictions of Violence', 'Major Character Death', and 'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings'. There's also 'No Archive Warnings Apply', which is used when none of the others are relevant.

The site classifies the first four as specific archive warnings (meaning they refer to a specific topic) and 'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings' as a non-specific warning, which means that a work tagged with it could contain any archive warning.

It can also be used where you might want an additional tag for a non-archive warning (for example, Drug use), but don't want to tag it for spoiler reasons. This is a perfectly acceptable use of the tag.

The issue is, some people think that's the only thing its meant to be used for, and any archive warnings have to be tagged no matter what. If this hypothetical person came across a work containing major character death, but the only archive warning was 'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings', they would consider the work incorrectly tagged.

So then, if this person read ToS update, and found the part about replacing 'Underage'/'Underage Sex' with 'Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings', they could easily interpret that as the site no longer requiring underage sex to be tagged. In actual fact, underage sex is still a required warning, you just don't have to use the specific archive warning. You can use the non-specific one instead. (To be fully clear, this has always been the case)

Nothing is actually changing in terms of what content has to be tagged, it's literally only the wording of the archive warning, because it was a little ambiguous before.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

have you seen the haitani brothers backstory crumbs? it was actually revealed a while back in an interview but i wasn't as active in the fandom so i just found out about it recently. i wonder if i'm the only one who just knew 😭

ran was a low ranking member in the rokusei community (owned by max maniacs), and he cheated the execs out of their money which is what lead to the fight between them in roppongi. i really wish we got more of their backstory! i wanna know why ran was even a member to begin with and if rindou was too

Yeah I do! This was an interview released back in November 2022, right around the same time the manga ended. Wakui was answering a few questions and one of them was if there was anything he was unable to draw in the main story but wanted to include. This is where Wakui mentioned wanting to add more to Sanzu and Takeomi's dynamic/ backstory. Then he also mentions how he wanted to draw out the war of the ashes and the Haitani brother's rise. The max maniacs had a very big market in Roppongi called the Rokusei community, they were involved in a lot of sketchy stuff including human trafficking and also fraud. Ran was in this community but in a lower rank and cheated the execs out of their money. They got really angry and the Haitani's fought back and were no longer in their gang, then presumably the fight happened. Although Rindou isn't mentioned, both of them are referred to at the end and as no longer being part of the team so presumably Rindou was somewhat involved with the gang too.

Now this interview was originally on the livedoor news website, however has since been deleted (I'm not sure when it was or why, if it's been deleted for a reason or if it's just because it's been nearly 2 years and isn't relevant/ wasn't getting traffic anymore). There is still a summary of the interview up though. (The last point is supposed to say why Sanzu left Takeomi but is a bad translation). We have pretty much all these details about the interview thanks to fan translators, all of the ones who posted about this being very reliable and translating a lot of other old tr news.

[lightningant]

niche but sadly very core Voldemort meta for me (which not based in anything but vibes I will admit) is that I think he has a lot of unresolved emotions about his parents and it manifests in bizarre ways because he doesn't even understand that's what's bothering him

I'm obsessed with giving him a parent [after he makes at least one horcrux] because a part of him wants to be nurtured, celebrated, and understood. A strong factor "Lord Voldemort" is his determination to essentially create himself; become singular, separate from any line. There is no first name-surname, he is only himself. Because being a part of a line has done nothing for him. It has been wielded against him, it has provided no care, it amounted to shallow indignity on both ends.

So I do think he'd get a lot out of, forgive me for saying this about a platonic relationship, a parent who matches his freak; a boymom who prioritizes him and is willing to engage in complete enmeshment to soothe his feelings of rejection and displacement.

And he knows he's never going to get it, despite not knowing he wants it. So he wants to be the parental enmeshment boymom.

I see Snape as the clearest taste of this, with his abnormal closeness to Voldemort in the inner circle, learning dark magic no one else seems to get to learn, and his blood/class status being completely irrelevant. Voldemort wants to ignite something in him that his past self never got. Your muggle dad sucks. Your pureblood family won't associate with you. But here I am, to raise you as a man like you should be raised, help you become singular and isolated from all others except myself, and I will not interrogate why this is so important to me.

But this only extends to young adults straight out of school; he detests children, and the younger they are, the more repulsed and anxious he gets. I don't think Voldemort trying his hand at boymoming to express what he thinks a fair and just parental influence would look like would make him a good parent. Not even in the gothic way, he'd just be mediocre and avoidant. Sad!

Anyway. Having a mentor figure he's spoken to and had a relationship with is a great spotlight for making this dynamic more stark. A late mentor means a third parent that disappointed, abandoned, and rejected Tom Riddle, confirming Voldemort's hypothesis he must create himself anew, and thus another parent must be eradicated from his personal history and his hurt must be buried where it is no longer relevant. And I'm aromantic so platonic derangement is innately more appealing to me in every situation.

[sophieinwonderland]

Why are sysmeds still this bad at sources?

Before getting to their source, let me just say...

The Future Is Plural!

Deal with it!

If you can't read the pictures, that's fine. The actual text and what they say isn't super important. Because it's a bad source. What you need to know is the address.

I'm unable to find an About Us page on this website besides this little note at the bottom.

Which really doesn't tell me much About Them.

The Twitter is tagged with #abuse and #survivors though, but not anything about psychiatrists or psychiatry.

As far as I can tell, this website is NOT RAN BY ANY PROFESSIONALS.

You may as well have just cited a Tumblr blog or a Carrd. It's equally as credible.

And the sysmed justified it by claiming it's a valid source because they're the first two pages on Google!

"If you deny a random website I found by nonprofessionals, you're an idiot! It was at the top of Google so it must be true!"

Sorry, that doesn't magically mean it's a good source.

If you want to read the actual DSM, try instead Googling 'dsm-5-tr pdf'

That will give you a link to the most up-to-date version of the DSM in full.

STOP TRUSTING A SOURCE BECAUSE IT'S THE FIRST THING ON GOOGLE!

Also, why the weird pivot from "endogenic plurality doesn't exist" to "endogenic plurality exists but isn't a system" in the same post?

Oh, hey! It's been a while since I've seen the "casually calling all spiritual plurality 'closed' to insinuate endogenic systems are appropriating closed cultures by being plural for spiritual reasons" move.

It's every bit as absurd and laughable as the last times I've seen sysmeds trying to pull this!

Also, even if the screenshots were actually from a trustworthy source, they still wouldn't be from a relevant one. It only discusses DID and doesn't address the question of non-disordered plurality at all.

Yeah, that checks out.

To the OP, if you want to venture into syscourse, you have to learn how to find actual trustworthy sources!

And to anyone else, always check websites and the credentials of their publishers! Don't trust everything you hear on the internet! If someone links a source, be sure to check the link and see where it's from!

Always think critically about the information being presented to you!

[nocturnowlette]

i approach the Target™ bollard

"is this the store?" i ask

"'this' is a variable concept. want me to check your brain to see what you mean?" it says

"you might be too big to fit in there. my head is only large enough to fit walmart bollards in." i reply, clearly breathing heavier

"i se-"

15 cars crash into the bollard at once, before all matter relevant to the crashes is absorbed into the paint of the bollard, getting noticably larger in size.

"just a few more crashes and i'll be off duty. i can show you around the store! just don't bump into me" it says

"...wait, so this isnt the store?" i say

6 more cars crash into the bollard the moment my question ends

[sokkastyles]

As the eldest daughter in my family, I've always kind of related to Katara in some ways. I wasn't parentified like she was, but whenever I saw her trying to keep things together for the Gaang in the show or whenever I see her being the emotional anchor for the Gaang in a way, I could really relate to that, especially because Katara is sort of always expected to be that person for everyone and she never really gets a break from it. I'm nowhere near as incredible as Katara is, but I have experienced being the person who was always expected to be kind and forgiving, always willing to compromise and understand, and never really being allowed to be mean or angry or even make mistakes in the same ways that some of my other family members were allowed to do. I've heard my family members say things like "that's just what that person is like, that's just what their personality is like, nothing you can do about it." It still frustrates me to hear that, because it often feels like I've never been given that same margin of error. I'm not an ideal older sister or daughter by any means and I've definitely made mistakes. I'm sure there must be other girls and women who can relate to this too. And I think one of the main reasons Zutara has always been, and still is, appealing to me is because Zuko sees Katara for who she is, the good parts and the less than perfect parts, and he doesn't ever make her feel guilty about any of it. He takes her seriously, gives her a lot of care and emotional support, and is very good at meeting her where she is and trying to understand her rather than dismissing the parts of her personality that he doesn't understand or are more complicated. That's the type of emotional support I would like from a partner one day, and I wish Katara and Zuko had ended up together for that reason too.

Tbh, when people (usually KA shippers) talk about Katara getting to be a child with Aang, they talk about in based on the idea that what she needs is to be like Aang. They want her to be carefree and do cute things like penguin sled. And even though Katara enjoys doing those things, when she penguin sleds with Aang, she doesn't actually experience herself as a kid again. Her reaction is "I haven't done this since I was a kid," and Aang points out that she talks as if she isn't still a kid, because she doesn't feel like one, and going penguin sledding doesn't magically transform her. If anything, that scene emphasizes how much Katara does not consider herself a kid. Which doesn't mean she isn't one, but Katara's attitude towards penguin sledding highlights her parentification, not reverses it.

When Katara acts like a kid, she often acts in ways that get her hated by the fandom. In what scenes does Katara actually get to experience being a kid again, I ask you?

Katara's inner child is not happy-go-lucky like Aang. Katara's inner child is selfish and full of anger and grief and fear. And validating that child is just as important as Katara getting the opportunity to play. I just find it interesting that certain people scream about letting Katara be a kid when she's doing the things that Aang wants her to do, and yet one of the episodes that show Katara the most in touch with the child she is is an episode where she gets accused of acting in a way that is not herself or too adult or too dark.

Katara avenging her mother and confronting the man who murdered her is an acknowledgement of Katara's stolen childhood and one of the most clear expressions she has of taking it back, literally reclaiming her identity. And she doesn't do it in a way that's innocent or kind or cute or wholesome or acceptably feminine, but it still comes from a need to be the child she is.

And Zuko is the one who makes that happen for her, and who doesn't tell her what the mature or proper way to do it is.

I read a quote recently from a review of the remake of Carrie that instantly made me think of Katara, and I feel like it's relevant both in the ways we talk about Katara as a heroic character and as a parentified child.

Whether she’s volunteering to take her sister’s place in the arena or grooming her son to lead the resistance; gunning down the gangsters who sell drugs to the kids in her neighborhood or swinging swords to avenge her daughter, the “strong female character” is often stirred by a maternal concern, a quintessential desire to preserve her community, to protect the weak and vulnerable. Her bad-assery must be in the service of a greater good. Even when she’s more ethically complex (like the Bride, who begrudgingly admits that all the people she killed to get to her daughter, “felt good”), she never takes a place at the table of Walter White’s grand epiphany: “I did it for me.”

- Laura Bogart, The Trouble With Carrie: Strong Female Characters and Onscreen Violence

Katara's actions in the Southern Raiders are one of the best expressions of her being a child because she does it for herself. She does it BECAUSE she is a child and she was hurt. When Katara is penguin sledding because Aang asked her to, it never approaches the point where she's doing it for herself or letting go of the idea that she isn't a kid like the others around her. It's only when she's confronting Yon Rah that she's acting not as her mother's replacement, but as the child who was left behind. The child who, like Carrie, needed the adults around her to protect her.

Of course, Katara's actions are nowhere near as extreme as Carrie's, but both stories tap into something intrinsic about girlhood and the desire for validation in a world that adultifies girls but at the same time tries to keep them infantalized.

[blackteatarot]

Tips for Making Your Own Correspondences

I would like to start this by saying please be culturally aware when doing this. Respecting closed practices is something we should all be doing!! Some things are not always yours to use, please be considerate of that!! This quick guide is meant to make the most of the things you have on hand, and can be used for anything you can spare for spell work.

Start by making a profile of your object. List out its functions, associations, characteristics, etc. to get a full understanding of it. I mentioned starch in a previous post so I’ll use it as and example:

Starch is used as a thickening agent in cooking, this is the time I interact with it most often. Sticking with that thought, starches come from lots of different vegetables. Common ones in recipes are corn, potatoes, and peas.

There are already many associations here: cooking, various plants/vegetables, the recipes that require these ingredients. This initial list of associations is where the profile starts, research the various things that fall under these main points to analyze your object. This has the potential to be very complex, so if you want to stick close to what is relevant to you, that’s okay!! This is with the assumption that after research you can determine any parts of the object’s history you should be wary of, just be mindful!!

Once you’ve created your profile, use it to make your correspondences!! Going back to the starch example, I mentioned it being used to “thicken your skin.” I used starch specifically in this because it’s something the object already does. This object is already capable of this thing, so I call on that thing in my spell work. That is my basis for making correspondences. Simple but effective, and has opened plenty of doors in what I’ve used. Being a witch is about being crafty and making the most of what you have!! I hope this post helps people do that!! As always, do your own research, be safe, and happy witching ♧

[the-storyteller78]

Ok, midterms are officially done and I’m finally getting my Vengeance Saga thoughts together. HERE WE GO.

I will be very frank. This was not my favorite saga. I did really like portions of it, and I was still left gobsmacked and mouth agape by the end of it, but overall, it was not one of the stronger sagas. Of course, I have nothing but respect for Jorge and all the amazing voices who contributed to this musical. Epic is still very dear to me, whatever qualms I may have. And I have the privilege of yapping on Tumblr without having done any of the work in figuring out all the logistics of creating a musical, so just remember: These are my opinions. Just me blabbering cus I like talking about Epic.

(And I know this would be very unconventional, but when the stage production of Epic comes out, I almost want there to be an intermission sort of thing after the Wisdom Saga or something. I don’t know how that would work out, but I feel like it would provide an indication of how much time has passed for Odysseus on the island.)

“Not Sorry For Loving You.” I felt nothing. I understand that Calypso has suffered because of her punishment of isolation, and I sympathize with what she had to go through. But I do not like her at all. I loathe her. Her tragic backstory does not give her permission to keep a man prisoner for seven years and ignore his desperate pleas to be allowed to leave. It does not give her leave to constantly pursue him when he has unequivocally told her that he is married and very much NOT. INTERESTED. And that’s barely even touching on the implications of sexual harassment. I was not happy with the choice to make Odysseus say that he loves her at all, even if it’s not romantic, but I was honestly very satisfied by the absolute stone-cold expression he had in Gigi’s animatic. That is not the face of a man who cares one bit about someone who kept him captive.

Anyhow. Moving on (because I’ll never stop talking about it if I don’t).

I really feel that “Dangerous” and “Charybdis” could’ve been combined in some way. Look, I love Troy Doherty’s voice. Every verse he sings in Epic is such a jam. But I have to say that “Dangerous” is probably one of the less narratively important songs in the entire musical. We know the journey is dangerous; it’s BEEN dangerous the whole time. No reason that would change now, especially with Poseidon still after him. And I know some people think “Charybdis” could be taken out, but I kind of like that the idea of him being dropped into this super scary situation right after leaving Ogygia but rallying himself and declaring that he’s still fighting. He’s not giving up. The way I see it, Odysseus’ lyrics in “Charybdis” are a meaningful specifically because he is returning to himself, he’s not willing to just die anymore like he was seriously considering on Ogygia. He has hope. I think it would be interesting to have “Charybdis” come right after “Not Sorry For Loving You,” have Hermes appear towards the end of the song, then have Odysseus sing his adorable little Penelope I’m coming home my love don’t worry moment. I don’t know how that would work out musically, but I’m sure someone could figure it out.

AND THEN POSEIDON POPS OUT OF THE OCEAN. “Get in the Water” was pretty intense; I don’t really have much to say about it. The voices of his mom, Eurylochus, and Polites echoing around him as he teeters on the brink of death had me teary-eyed. I’ll be real though, I’m not sure why the wind bag was relevant. It was such a lose-lose situation. If he doesn’t open the bag, he gets drowned by Poseidon. If he does open the bag to survive and fight Poseidon, he can’t go home. Either way, he loses. Was it like that on purpose because Zeus was trying to be a jerk even after flash-frying his daughter??

(Also, I don’t know what the physics or whatever of a super powerful storm bag jet pack is, but I somehow doubt it would be a viable option)

“600 Strike.” I wanted to like this song. And I will freely admit, the ending had me breathless and absolutely on the edge of my seat. However, I was definitely struggling not to cringe when he yelled 600 strike. I don’t know why. I was trying so hard to be cool about it, but I just could not. And I don’t get how he beat Poseidon with a regular old sword in the middle of an ocean. AN OCEAN. WHICH POSEIDON CONTROLS. We saw how helpless Odysseus and his crew were against Poseidon in “Ruthlessness,” and now he just goes down after a few blows from Odysseus who, by the way, does not have any divine enhancements or support at the moment. The wind bag doesn’t give him super strength. His sword isn’t magically able to cut a god. How is he suddenly able to beat him? The power of friendship?? At least the trident doing damage makes sense because it’s Poseidon’s own weapon. Which brings me to my final point. Like I said earlier, the end of “600 Strike” was really impactful. However, because I don’t think it makes sense for Poseidon to have been in that position to begin with, I can’t say that it sat entirely well with me from a narrative standpoint. I’m not sure what I would’ve liked to see, but maybe I’ll make a separate post about it once I mull it over some more.

OK THAT’S A WRAP. Thanks to everyone who managed to get to the end of this rant. Went waaaay longer than I expected, but what can I say. I’m just a girl.

[pixie05love]

Look at this panel of Ego from chapter 8

Now look at Barou's shirt number. He has a 10 but...

Reading it from right to left is 01! Just like in Ego's panel!! (Keep this in mind while reading now, please)

Now, for context, in chapter 7, team X (Barous team) had to play against team Z (Isagi's team), a match that Ego called as "The battle to rebuild football from zero".

Barou's and Isagi's team were a complete mess because they all wanted to score, which made them all start stealing the ball from their own teammates.

This messy state stops the moment Barou scores, turning the score from 0 to 1, rebuilding his team order, and taking control over the game.

Barou was the "1" of team X. Barou was the cornerstone of the team around which they'd developed their strategies to win against Isagi.

*

(Doesn't sound familiar? Kaiser has a 10 on his uniform, and BM had him as his cornerstone too. Noa practically trained them while having Kaiser in mind as the focal point of their strategies to scores goals 0.0)

Now, after that, Bachira and Isagi decide that if their going to lose (which happened at the end), they must at least score one goal. Isagi was going to be the one to score until Kunigami asked Isagi for the ball, and Isagi passed it to him, letting him have the opportunity to score instead.

Now let's take a look at Kunigami's dorsal number!

It's a 9! He scored a goal so... 9+1=10!

10! just like Barou's dorsal number! and remember the first panel I showed of Ego and the one of Barou! Read 10 from right to left -> 01. Kunigami became the "1" of team Z turning when he turned the score from 0 to 1!

Now... why is this "becoming the 1" so relevant in these chapters? Let's look at chap.6 title:

"1 = Individual"

In other official translations, like the Spanish one, instead of individual they translated it to "individuality" and I find it more correct than individual. Although both could work depending on the context so I'll use both.

(If anybody has the Japanese translation, please tell me or correct me. I don't know how to find them :'D)

Back to the meaning of the "1", if the title of chap.6 is stating a fact in Blue Lock's world (that 1 = individual/individuality) then characters that have a 10 as their dorsal number could mean or represent that those characters are the embodiment of individuality / their own individual.

I believe this is true because Isagi's lesson in these chapters was to be his own individual, to reject that initial idea he had of always passing the ball to his teammates instead of being him the one to score. To "embrace" his individual desire of scoring a goal and "have his moment."

Barou tells him that in his own way and Isagi also notices that he hadn't changed that habit yet:

The fact that Barou was the one who told him this was no coincidence!!

He's the "1" of the team, the cornerstone. The only footballer that embodies his own individual and this individuality is one of a king. His own teammates recognise him as such.

Isagi himself says that Barou doesn't start from zero like the rest. He's straight up the 1!

* (Look at the panels above. The ones with a red asterisk on top. In those panels, Isagi says that Barou was the "1" right away. Tumblr image limit doesn't let me put more images, sorry😔)

Now... What I'm trying to prove with all this is 2 things about the meaning of the number on their dorsals:

the number 10 has something to do with the concepts of individuality / individual (1 = individual / individuality). It could mean the character embodies his own concept of individuality or has a clear idea of themselves as an individual, like Barou in these first chapters* seeing himself as "The King".

*he later on gets his ideals crushed by Isagi but that doesn't take away the fact that he had a clear perception of his individuality before so i think the point still stands.

the number 9 could represent a character who's potentially going to develop a sense of individuality or that they're evolving their previous idea of individuality. Like I showed before with Kunigami, who had a 9 in his dorsal, and after scoring, he turned the 0 into a 1 for the team, making him become the "1" *

*it wasn't as relevant to the plot or for Kunigami's character because they lost the match but I think, and if my point is right, the author still gave him the opportunity to score for 2 possible reasons:

to establish this dynamic of individuality and on the process to achieve individuality and

as a trigger for Isagi's seach for his own individuality.*

My gosh, how many times have I written "individual" and "individuality" already😭

* BTW, I think Isagi is still struggling with this thing of finding his individual self on the field despite having grown a lot from chap.1 to current chapters, and I think chap.281 proves this:

* The difference now is that he's now competing against the best of the best players what I think is a correct path for him since he's been thinking that he's one of them for a long time now... and that's definitely not the case. He still needs a lot to learn (this gives me hopes because the author might give his character more depth, but maybe I'm delusional).

Now, back to what i was saying. To prove my point properly I'd have to look for every relevant character on the manga that has these numbers on their dorsals and argue how they are depictions of this dynamic (I could do it in multiple parts while I'm now rereading the manga but I'd take me time since I've got a long way until I reach current chapters.)

Also❕️

I mainly wrote this because I feel like it works with Kaiser and Noa's dynamic, or it could be related somehow (I'll make it relate, idc, this has gotten longer than i thought)

The reason I believe this it's because of these panels of them:

Noa has the number 9

Kaiser has the number 10

Noa states that he's constantly evolving, that the title of the best was not something he was looking forward to. This puts Noa in a constant state of potentially achieving a new sense of individuality... Like he's constantly creating and destroying every new individual he reaches.

The thing with Noa is that he does not care about him being perceived by the rest as an specific "individual", he doesn'tcare about titles.

The world gave him the title of Number 1 (of the "1" I've been yapping about this whole time) but he doesn't recognise it. He actually believes that the real threat is MBappe- Loki (AND LOKI DOES HAVE THE NUMBER 10 ON HIS DORSAL!!1!1!1)

Now my glorious blue eyed king Kaiser has always been the "1" of BM (and of my heart) but it was because of Noa's plan.

Now Kaiser has rejected Noa's plan, creating his new story, hence, creating his own individual / acknowledging his own individuality. Kaiser is turning the 0 to a 1, his "zero self" into a goal (however it was blocked by Loki, another individual just like Kaiser. They basically clash because they're both the "1" of their respective teams).

If I'm right, this could possibly mean that if BM wins this match, it will due to Kaiser's goal, making him be the "1" of his team and proving, through soccer to Noa, that he is his own individual.

.

.

.

Now, I think I'll leave it here because this is already long and I don't want it to be longer (I've also reached the image limit so I can't properly prove my points if I don't show the source of them, i feel like I'm lying lol)

This post was inspired by @mvrdermeharder (Hiiii, i hope im not bothering you by @ you here!) posts about the dorsal's numbers. I liked them lot so go check them too please! :)

❕️This post is only my take on this topic since I also think they have meaning, so this was just my interpretation❕️

If anyone has read this until the end let me just tell you that ily and let's be mutuals if we aren't yet🫶

Also @lorenzobbg you wanted me to @ so HELLOO I hope you enjoy this silly analysis if you read it<33

[jina1028]

Mine

Sunghoon x fem!reader

Part 3 of Beautiful nuisance

Part 1 / Part 2

Word count: 6k

Categories: Sunghoon x fem!reader, dom!Sunghoon, angst, a little bit of fluff, smut, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, creampie, spanking, snowballing (kinda?), kissing, marking, fingering, masturbation, blowjob, exibition kink, voyeurism, cum play, cockwarming, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, crying (the sex was that good), dom/sub undertones, cuddling, mentions of aftercare, tell me if I missed anything

A. N. Guys I put my heart and soul into this, I hope you enjoy! I feel like this may be the dirtiest smut I've ever written idk you tell me...

I think the series might end like this, tell me what you think, if I should write a continuation or like some kind of spin-off not relevant to the general plot or something.

As always 🔞 MDNI 🔞

Pics are not mine, characters and events described in my jobs do not depict real people or events.

Thanks for reading, enjoy!

~♡~

Guilt.

That's all you felt on monday when Jisung showed up with a timid smile at the door of the office you shared, as usual holding a warm cup of your favorite coffee in his big hands.

You tried to greet him as usual but you could feel your face muscles stiffen as you half smiled at him, taking the cup from him, careful not to graze his fingers doing so.

You knew you would feel awkward meeting Jisung at work after Sunghoon's request, especially for the fact you had sex with the man now in front of you, and you barely replied to his texts the day after.

He probably was thinking he did something wrong, you felt it meeting his gaze behind his specs.

He looked at you with confusion in his dark brown eyes, awkwardness and like he was holding back from asking tons of questions.

You, yourself were holding back from trying to explain the situation to him, to reassure him of never doing anything wrong at all. Hell, what could you even say to explain yourself?

Hey, I tried to use you to forget about Sunghoon, who works for our biggest competitor, who I had sex with and probably have feelings for, and now I can't talk to you ‘cause he said so and I feel like a pathetic bitch ‘cause I also like you.

Yeah, that summed up the situation but would have sounded like absolute bullshit.

You decided to momentarily ignore the elephant in the room and sat at your desk, your still untouched coffee by the side of your computer screen, as you started going through your emails.

Jisung stood there by the door for a couple of seconds, then he just feebly sighed and sat at his own computer, letting the room fall silent, the only sign of life the sound of your keyboards and mouses clicking for a while.

You glanced at him now and then, feeling the tension in the room, but you quickly shifted your gaze back to your screen as he suddenly rolled back on his chair, stretching his long arms above his head with a low grunt.

He briefly turned to look directly at you as he stood up.

“I need some fresh air, you wanna come with me to the balcony?”

You looked at him as he adjusted his dark blue tie around the collar of his white shirt.

You broke eye contact immediately, going back to type some more before replying “I need to finish this now, sorry.”

He silently nodded, grabbing his coat and exiting the room without adding a word.

As soon as Jisung left the room you let out a shaky breath.

Acting cold and detached was going to be more difficult than you expected, and you wondered if this was even the right decision.

You liked him and didn't want him to think you acted like that because of him. Also you had to work with him, you needed to get along.

How did you get yourself in such a situation?

The next day replayed almost the same, you barely acknowledged him as you started working right away, trying to stay focused all morning, until it was lunch break.

Jisung glanced at you a few minutes past 12.

“Do you wanna have lunch together? Our usual place added a new plate to the menu I wanted to try…” he trailed off as you stopped typing on your keyboard.

“Sorry, I'm on a diet, I think I'm gonna skip lunch…” you lied.

“Y/N… Is something wrong? You barely texted back the other day, yesterday you didn't drink your coffee and didn't have lunch because you didn't feel good… Now you're skipping lunch because you're on a diet?”

Jisung frowned, looking at you with both anger and pain in his eyes.

You didn't know how to respond, you just bit your lips, looking away from his deep brown eyes, only managing a weak “I'm sorry…”

“For what exactly?”

You fidgeted with the hem of your sleeves.

“For having sex with me?” Jisung’s voice was rising in frustration.

“Keep your voice down! What if someone hears?” you tried to shush him.

“Do you regret it?” his voice lowered just a little bit as he started nervously biting on the inside of his cheeks and clenching his hands into fists, his eyebrows a straight line as he tried to keep his composure.

“What? No-” you interrupted yourself “Are we really talking about this at work, Jisung?”

He looked at you shrugging “You ignore my texts, where am I supposed to talk about it?”

He had a point…

“Listen, I care about you, I don't regret what happened saturday night. I just… need to fix something with someone else, then-”

Jisung interrupted you “Is it Sunghoon?”

“Yeah… Honestly, I'm really confused right now, I need to clear my mind, then I promise we'll talk about whatever you want.”

You tried to make him feel your sincerity by locking eyes with him. You saw hurt and sorrow in his gaze, which broke your heart, especially knowing it was your fault.

Jisung grabbed his coat and exited the door “See you later.”

The rest of the day went on in total silence between the two of you, until it was time to leave.

You two went separate ways outside the company building, barely looking at each other or saying bye.

You felt like total shit, you absolutely fucked up.

As you dragged yourself home, you bought some pizza on your way, you didn't even eat all day.

When you got home you ate your dinner, forcing the food down into your tight stomach, and started getting ready to finally meet Sunghoon.

A warm shower helped you relieve your tension from the hard day at work and your unforgiving thoughts, your mind constantly going back and forth between Jisung and your sorrow, and Sunghoon and your impatience.

Not knowing what was about to come made you nervous, you were scared of worsening the whole situation between you and the two men.

A cold breeze made you shiver and tighten your black coat around your body as you went on your way to meet Sunghoon, entering a taxi, looking at the passing lights outside the window as pop music softly played from the car's speakers.

The longer the wait, the more your anxiety built up, until you eventually reached your destination, paying for your drive and finding yourself staring up at the tall building towering over you.

Sunghoon's apartment was right there, and you took your phone from your black purse to inform him of your arrival.

He texted you his internal number as you heard the main door open for you.

You entered the luminous, spacious hall and waited for the elevator. Once inside you checked your reflection in the full mirror in front of you, fixing the hem of your black skirt as you opened your coat, the temperature warm enough compared to the weather outside.

Reaching the 14th floor the elevator's door opened on a long, illuminated hallway, your heels echoing as they clicked on the black, glossy tiles on the floor with every step that brought you closer to Sunghoon's door.

You stopped in front of the white door, ringing the bell and taking deep breaths before the lock clicked open.

When Sunghoon appeared on the other side of the door a bit of your tension dissipated, and you realized it was due to the fact you missed him, missed his deep gaze on you, his gentle smile, the same he displayed right now in front of you, extending his hand to you, inviting you in.

You let his warm hand take yours as he gently pulled you inside, closing the door behind you, guiding you to the spacious living room and sitting on a black sofa while getting rid of your coat.

The living room connected to the kitchen in a big open space where black, white and gray were the main colors. It looked tidy and clean, and a few floor lamps immersed the space into a dim, warm light.

The big window next to the sofa provided a nice view of the city lights.

You noticed two tumbler glasses on his black coffee table, along with some ice cubes and liquors on the side.

“I missed you, Y/N” Sunghoon left your hand to caress your cheek, not moving any further to let you slowly get accustomed to his touch again.

You relished in the warmth of his touch “I missed you too…” your words couldn't be more sincere.

“What took you so long?” Sunghoon slightly frowned as he searched your eyes for an answer before you could even reply after a few moments of thought.

“I… I was scared. I still am.”

“Why?” he pressed, his deep eyes still locked to yours, hand now resting on yours on the sofa.

“I don't know, many things I guess…”

He stayed silent, waiting for you to continue as he took a bottle from the coffee table, pouring the liquor in your glasses. He took one and offered it to you, which you gladly accepted and held in your hand, taking a small sip.

“Our job… It's dangerous to get involved with one another, we're supposed to be rivals, not to have a relationship, or whatever you wanna call it” you shook your head, finally letting someone else know the issues that bored into your mind all this time.

“How can we separate the two things? I can't” you sighed, taking another sip, letting the bittersweet liquor soothe your mouth and your mind.

Sunghoon just listened in silence, thinking about the right answer for your question, failing to find one.

“What if we're both rivals and lovers? That's what we are, Y/N.”

You looked at him confused, still in need of finding a solution to this issue.

“We'll just act as usual when we're working, you think you can do that?” he asked.

You nodded, listening to him as he continued.

“And we won't talk about work when we're together.”

He made it that simple, but it wasn't, for you.

What if you fell in love? Would you still be able to act as usual while you worked? Wouldn't it be too difficult for you not to let your feelings for him influence your performance?

What would happen if your companies found out about what was happening between the two of you?

If you fell for each other how could you build a normal relationship together if your jobs couldn't even allow that?

You wanted to ask all those questions but stayed silent, not wanting to admit you were scared of falling for him, not knowing if he even felt the same.

He saw your hesitant demeanor, aware of the storm of thoughts that was probably going on into your head.

“I'm scared too” Sunghoon admitted, his simple confession pulling you out of your train of thoughts.

You looked at him surprised, even a bit relieved, you felt like maybe he could understand how you felt.

“Because I want you to be mine, and I know it will be difficult” he continued, squeezing your hand into his.

“But I wanna try…” he finally stated.

Sunghoon lifted your hand to his face, pressing his soft lips on your knuckles, looking sweetly into your eyes.

He kept kissing your hand, observing you from under his long lashes as he inhaled your hypnotic scent, until he used the same hand that still held yours to pull you closer to him.

The sudden movement caused you to press your body into his, your free hand resting on his broad chest to prevent you from falling on top of him.

He brought his hand to your nape as he closed the distance, capturing your lips in a warm kiss.

You gladly let his tongue slip into your mouth, intertwining with yours as the kiss deepened, making you moan into his mouth as his hands traveled on your body, eventually cupping one of your breasts through the thin fabric of your maroon shirt.

Sunghoon kept kissing you fervently, massaging and stroking his thumb on your right breast until he felt your nipple harden under his teasing touch, earning a shaky moan from you.

He smirked into the kiss, starting to work on the buttons of your shirt to reveal your white lace bra.

He drew back from you to fully admire the view, mentally cursing at the sight, when something else caught his attention.

A splotch of color on the otherwise perfect skin at the base of your neck, purple and yellow mingling together in what looked like a relatively recent hickey.

You followed his gaze as you noticed his eyes darkening, gasping at the realization and covering up the mark with your hand, which Sunghoon immediately grasped and tore from your skin to prevent you from hiding.

“What's this?” he didn't even raise his voice a little bit, but the tone was scary.

When you didn't reply, still trying to find your words, Sunghoon let his other big hand fall on your thigh with a smack, a yelp leaving your mouth. You could see a red mark forming through the thin black tights you were still wearing.

“Was it that guy at the cafe?”

You avoided his stare, looking at your reddened thigh as you hesitantly nodded in response.

“So you fucked him too?”

Sunghoon's eyes felt both icy and scalding hot as he glared at you with knitted brows.

“It was before you told me to stop seeing him…” you managed to explain, not sure if that made it any better.

He chuckled darkly as he lightly scratched the mark on your neck with his thumb.

“Should I mark you up, ruin you for everyone who even think they can fuck you?”

You gulped the knot forming in your throat as Sunghoon tilted your neck to the side, assaulting your skin on the same spot Jisung had marked, licking, biting and sucking, with the goal of ruining your neck for everyone to see for the next two weeks.

The feeling of his lips on your sensitive skin and the bites on your neck sent shivers down your spine to your core, making you whimper in both pain and pleasure as Sunghoon painted your skin, one of his hands pulling your hair to keep you steady as he marked you up, his other arm embracing you in a possessive manner.

After a while you started lightly pushing your hands on his chest, your neck too sensitive to endure his sucking and biting anymore.

He detached from your skin with one last harsh suck, eyeing his work of art, satisfied.

Sunghoon let your open shirt slide down your shoulders, completely removing it, as he attached his lips to your skin once again, traveling down your chest, sucking a trail of purple marks on his way to your left nipple, sliding the strap of your bra down your shoulder to expose your breast and suck lightly on your bud.

He intensified his ministrations the more you moaned, tangling your fingers in his thick hair and pulling as you felt him suck harshly, then grazing his teeth on the hardened bud, making you whimper.

You started to feel uncomfortable, your panties now drenched in your arousal as you rubbed your thighs together, your movement not going unnoticed by Sunghoon.

He suddenly stood up, pulling you up with him.

“Strip. Just keep your bra and panties.”

His commanding tone didn't leave any doubts and you obediently stepped out of your heels, removing your skirt and tights, then waiting for his next order.

Sunghoon rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt, then he sat back down on the sofa, palming himself through his dark jeans as he ogled your almost completely naked body.

“I don't think marking your neck was enough…”

Confusion must've been visible on your face as he chuckled, then he instructed you once again.

“Lay down on my lap, I need you ass up on my legs.”

He patted his thighs while looking lustfully into your eyes, as you hesitantly stepped forward to position yourself on his lap.

“Sunghoon, please…”

He interrupted you, looking straight into your pleading eyes “Don't you think you deserve a punishment?”

You honestly thought you deserved it, you were just scared of what awaited you, since this was your first time experiencing that kind of treatment.

You nodded in defeat, digging your nails into your own fists as you waited for your deserved punishment.

Sunghoon groped your ass cheeks, appreciating your choice of wearing a matching set of lingerie once again, as he bit his bottom lip preparing for the first hit.

His right hand left your cheek and came down in an instant, smacking your skin loudly as you whimpered.

“Don't tense up, it's gonna hurt more” he suggested, massaging your reddening skin.

Then he smacked your other cheek, giving it the same treatment as the other one, massaging as his big handprint formed on your skin.

Sunghoon moved the thin fabric of your panties to fully expose your skin, the material pressing up into your slit as he pulled, exposing your wet folds to him as well.

“Fuck” he cursed under his breath, another smack making your ass jiggle, the burning sensation soon soothed by Sunghoon's massage, his thumb teasing your folds as he did so.

Your whimpers turned into moans the more he smacked and massaged your ass, pain bordering into pleasure, your mind and your body no more capable of distinguishing the two, as you unconsciously started rubbing your thighs together to soothe your throbbing pussy.

Of course that didn't go unnoticed by Sunghoon, who was starting to feel uncomfortably tight in his jeans.

He kept smacking your ass as more blood rushed to the surface of your skin, making it feel like it was on fire, as you whimpered and yelped, an unexpected moan escaping now and then.

When he was sure his handprints would last for days on your ass he instructed you to move a bit, so now your face was at the same level of his crotch, while he unbuttoned his jeans and lowered them along with his black boxers.

“Now be a good girl and open up for me.”

Sunghoon lightly slapped his stiff dick on your cheek, urging you to turn your face and take it in your mouth.

You obeyed without a second thought, genuinely wanting to pleasure him as much as you could to make up for your mistakes.

You wrapped your lips around his tip as your tongue swiped up the underside into the slit, tasting a salty drop of precum, the suction making him groan as he caressed the top of your head.

His free hand slid down your body, past your aching ass, reaching your neglected cunt.

Sunghoon pulled your panties to the side and dipped his long fingers between your folds, spreading your slick and drawing circles on your clit.

Your moans sent vibrations through his dick, eliciting another groan as he slightly thrusted his hips up into your warm mouth, his hand keeping your head in place allowing him to push deeper.

He grinned at your whimper, fangs poking out. He started to shallowly rut into your mouth, hissing every time he would graze the back of your mouth as you let out choked moans due to the constant movements of his fingers on your clit.

Sunghoon suddenly slipped a finger inside your hole, making you mewl around his dick, curling his finger and soon adding a second one, stretching you out so good you started to unconsciously push your hips back onto his hand, planting your knees in the cushions.

“Fuck, so greedy you fuck yourself on my fingers while I fuck your mouth…”

You moaned at his dirty words.

“Such a good girl, keep going…”

He hissed as he pushed your head lower on his thick cock, hitting the back of your mouth over and over with his thrusts until it pushed past into your throat, making you gag and choke.

You should've seen that coming, Sunghoon was a head pusher, you knew, and you were reminded well as he kept your head pressed down while you gagged and struggled to breathe around his cock, drool coating his length and throat spasming on his tip as he groaned loudly.

“Keep fucking yourself, who told you to stop?”

Sunghoon mocked you, finally letting go of your head and allowing you to slip his dick out of your mouth, gasping for air, a mix of drool and precum dribbling down your chin.

He curled his fingers still inside your cunt and thrusted hard into you a few times, making you yelp in both surprise and pleasure.

“I told you to fuck yourself on my fingers.”

You resumed your movements, feeling already tired and spent for enduring his spanking and struggling to breathe, but you obeyed nonetheless, chasing both your pleasure and his approval.

“If you do a good job and make yourself come like this I'll reward you.”

Sunghoon twisted his wrist, positioning his hand so his thumb grazed your slick clit with your every movement, while he used his other hand to grab his shaft and tap it on your swollen lips.

He didn't need to speak for you to open your mouth and eagerly start sucking again on the tip, allowing him to guide you up and down on his flushed dick as he pulled your hair.

He was more gentle this time, holding back from harshly fucking your mouth and so allowing you to focus on your task.

You kept moving your hips against his hand, his long fingers reaching deep, occasionally curling and stroking your g-spot, making you clench hard and loudly moan around his shaft.

Sunghoon's dick twitched every time you clenched on his fingers, imagining how it would feel once he finally fucked your tight, sopping cunt, while at the same time he struggled not to come at the sight and feeling of your pretty lips wrapping around his cock, stretching so well to accommodate his size, lewd, wet sounds from both your mouth and your pussy clouding his mind.

He bit his bottom lip hard as he tried to push back his approaching orgasm, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his jaw slacked and a breathy moan escaped his lips.

“You close?” he managed to keep a steady voice as he noticed you started clenching harder and more often on his fingers, your moans growing in volume.

You fucked yourself a couple more times as Sunghoon kept curling his fingers, aiming at your sweet spot, and you came hard, your walls spasming around his digits, your juices coating them and leaking out of your cunt onto his hand.

Sunghoon took that as his signal.

He abruptly removed his fingers from your pussy, yanking you off his cock as he quickly stood up, clenching his fist around his shaft.

“Sit pretty and open up.”

You obediently sat in front of him with your knees on the cushions as he faced you, jerking off as you opened your mouth for him.

He fisted himself a few times, breathing harshly, then he grabbed your jaw as he laid his engorged tip on your tongue and shot load after load, a few hitting your throat, but most of his cum collecting on your tongue.

Sunghoon hissed and groaned, swiping his tip on your bottom lip, smearing the last few drops on it.

You looked up at him with doe eyes, waiting for his next instructions.

“Remove you panties, sit back, spread your legs for me and use my cum to fuck yourself.”

You let your panties fall to the ground as you stood, then you moved to let your back rest against the sofa and you spread your legs with your knees bent, carefully aiming at your pussy as you let Sunghoon's cum fall from your mouth onto your clit and folds.

Sunghoon watched, enraptured, as you reached your fingers to your folds, collecting the cum you just spat on yourself to bring it downward to your hole, pushing it inside with two fingers and pumping a few times.

“This is my reward” he stated, “letting you use my cum to pleasure yourself.”

You whined, embarrassed as you let him watch you finger yourself, your face hotter than ever.

“What, it's not enough for you?” he asked in a condescending tone.

You shook your head as you continued to finger yourself, stopping only to gather the slick cum that seeped out from your hole only to push it back in, gaining a hum of approval from Sunghoon.

He patted your head with a sly smirk on his lips.

“If you make yourself squirt maybe I'll feel generous and fuck you… Sounds good?”

“Yes, please…” you begged as he caressed your warm cheek.

“Then you gotta work hard for it.”

He drew back and sat on the coffee table in front of you, grabbing his still half full glass and taking a sip as he watched you put on a show for him.

Sunghoon unbuttoned his shirt stripping out of it and laid back a little on his left hand, bringing the other to his lap after taking another long sip from the glass, spreading his legs and lazily palming his still half hard dick which was currently laying on his lower abs.

He was enraptured by the way your fingers pushed his thick cum into your tight hole, a white ring forming around your digits as it seeped out the more you pushed, a few whines leaving your lips as you curled your fingers, looking for the spot that Sunghoon somehow could find so easily.

You were torn between focusing on your task, looking at his hand curling around his shaft as he slowly pumped it, making it fully hard again, or diving into his eyes, his dark, half lidded gaze hypnotizing you.

Then as you dived into his deep eyes you grazed the perfect spot inside of you, groaning as you aimed at it over and over, your eyes still connected, the intensity of his gaze combined to your fast strokes finally pushing you over the edge, clear, warm liquid squirting on your hand, your clenching pushing his cum out of your wet hole.

Sunghoon groaned at the sight, tugging a few more times at his cock as you whimpered and gasped to catch your breath.

He slowly stood up from the coffee table to approach you, bending down while holding himself up with a hand on the back of the sofa, next to your head.

He lifted your chin up with the other hand, softly pressing his lips on yours, slowly licking and sucking while you closed your eyes, whimpering and parting your lips to deepen the kiss, as Sunghoon tasted himself sucking on your lips and tongue.

He slowly detached from your lips, a thin string of saliva breaking in the process while you chased his warmth, eventually throwing your arms around his neck before he could fully straighten his back, his strong arms hugging you tight to prevent you from making both of you fall with the risk of him crushing you.

You caught him off guard, his heart suddenly swelling and beating faster at your display of affection. He found himself smiling into your neck, inhaling your scent as he fluttered his eyes closed.

Sunghoon allowed himself to relish this sweet moment before he regained some semblance of composure, holding your waist as he lowered you back on the sofa.

You sat there, looking up at him with wide, glossy eyes, biting your lower lip, your face hot.

Sunghoon gently caressed your cheek “You did a good job” he complimented you, “Do you think you deserve to be fucked?”

You seriously pondered his question, you still felt like you didn't deserve him, feeling like you failed him.

“No, I don't deserve it” you answered, hugging yourself sheepishly, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

“Why is that?” Sunghoon asked curiously, furrowing his thick brows, looking deeply into your eyes.

“I said I was yours, but in the end…” you trailed off, looking up at him “I failed you, I'm a disappointment…”

“Don't say that.” Sunghoon shook his head.

“Just promise you'll be mine and I'll be yours.”

He brushed his plush lips on yours “And I'll fuck you good every time you need it.”

You chuckled against his lips, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Sounds good…” you admitted.

“You have to promise” Sunghoon leaned his forehead on yours, restraining himself from kissing you again.

“I'm yours. I promise. A billion times.”

Sunghoon caught your lips once again in a heated kiss, cradling the back of your head against his palm as you did the same, diving your fingers into his soft hair and grazing his exposed shoulder with your other hand, your nails leaving red marks and imprints as he started to explore your body.

He started to grow impatient of getting inside you, your little moans going straight to his cock as he groped every inch of your body he laid his hands on.

As his urges got to him he stood up to remove his jeans and boxers, still hanging from his hips until that moment, but as he did so you followed him, eagerly throwing yourself into his chest, making him stumble backwards.

He chuckled, his eyes wide with surprise as he caught you and suddenly spun you around, making you take a few steps until your back pressed to the white marble kitchen island.

Sunghoon helped you lift up on the counter, the cold surface cooling down your hot core, making you shiver as you pulled on his neck to claim his plush, warm lips once again, tangling your fingers into his dark locks and your legs around his hips, pulling him in pressing your calves against his butt.

He braced himself with a hand on the counter next to you, his shaft stroking against your folds and clit as he let you pull him in between your legs, a little gasp escaping his throat while he started rolling his hips into yours, his lips traveling down your jaw and neck, occasionally sucking on your sensitive skin.

The pressure of his stiff cock onto your clit as he humped into you made you mewl, trying to push yourself against him, urging him to fill you up.

Sunghoon took the hint, slapped his dick on your wet clit a couple times and stroked his tip down your slit, collecting your arousal and easily pushing it into your awaiting hole, as he bent one of your knees up to reach deeper, supporting you with his other hand on the small of your back.

He glanced down to where your bodies connected, hair falling on his furrowed eyebrows, taking deep breaths as he marveled at the way your glistening cunt stretched to take him in, clenching as you uselessly tried to fuck yourself on his dick.

“So pretty, I love it when you're full of my cock…” Sunghoon growled as he drew back a couple of inches and fucked deep into your tight hole, wetness starting to drip down your ass as he picked up his pace, short, deep thrusts hitting your sweet spot.

It felt like he was trying to split you open with the force with which he rutted into you and how deep he reached, feeling like he stretched your hole more and more, completely filling you up.

You braced yourself on his shoulders, clawing on them, leaving half moons on his skin as he moved his hands to your thighs, gripping at the flesh as he pulled you in with every hard stroke of his hips.

His raspy moans and your high pitched whimpers mixed with lewd, wet sounds filling the room.

Sunghoon's thrusts turned into long strokes, leaving only the tip inside before thrusting his whole length back in, aiming at your g-spot with incredible precision as your whimpers turned into loud whines and more arousal seeped out onto the counter.

“Bet he couldn't make you scream like this huh?” Sunghoon breathed into your ear with a particularly hard thrust.

You couldn't understand entirely what he was saying, your fogged mind only thinking about Sunghoon and the way he fucked your sensitive cunt, making you feel like you were burning up as he pushed you to the edge and over.

You shook your legs under his grasp as you came hard around his cock, your walls spasming uncontrollably as you let out a long wail.

Sunghoon kept fucking into you without mercy through your orgasm and beyond, overstimulating you to the point you started sobbing, the line between pleasure and pain getting blurry.

“Just like that, baby, come around my cock…”

His thrusts became more erratic as you kept trembling and whining, your arms that still clung to Sunghoon finally giving up as you let yourself fall on the kitchen surface, knocking down on the floor a few napkins in the process.

“Gonna come inside and fill you up.”

You just nodded in response, wanting nothing more than that.

With a few more powerful thrusts Sunghoon stilled for a brief moment as he shot his cum deep inside your cunt, then he shallowly rocked his hips into yours as he milked himself dry, shot after shot, his cum seeping out around his shaft with every thrust, his almost melodic moans filling your ears as you tried to catch your breath.

When he was done he let his cock slip out of your hole and collected the cum that managed to get out with his tip, only to push it back inside with a groan as you gasped both in surprise and sensitivity.

He repeated the action a few times until he was satisfied, keeping you plugged with his dick preventing his cum to seep out again.

You stayed like that for a little while as both of you caught your breaths, Sunghoon massaging your thighs as you sighed contentedly.

As the rush of pleasure and adrenaline died down you realized a few tears started escaping from the corner of your eyes, and as Sunghoon admired the result of his ravage, he noticed your watery eyes and small sobs.

He gently took your hands and lifted you up to embrace you delicately into his chest as he kissed the top of your head.

“Hey baby, what's wrong?”

You could hear worry in his voice.

You wrapped your legs tight around his hips as he was still inside you, struggling to find your voice, so after a few seconds of trying you stuttered out your response.

“I-I don't know… I think y-you just fucked me too good.”

You chuckled a little, trying to lighten the mood, reassuring him as he let out a sigh of relief.

“That, and I missed you…” you admitted timidly, nuzzling your face into the crook of his warm neck.

Sunghoon held you tightly, stroking your back.

“You have no idea how much I missed you… I started thinking it was all a wet dream, the only thing keeping me sane all this time were your panties.”

You giggled, remembering your panties were still hostage of the handsome man that also stole your heart.

“I want them back, by the way…” you warned him jokingly “What did you do to them?”

You lifted your curious gaze on Sunghoon, who teasingly half smirked at you, showing one of his canines and wiggling his eyebrows once.

“First, let's take a nice bath, then later I may even show you…”

You giggled at his captivating suggestion, marveling at the incredible sex drive Sunghoon was displaying.

He grazed his lips on yours, as he lowered his voice.

“We have all night… You're mine.”